USL Staff

So, You Love the USL Refs and Office Staff and Want to Know More About Them...
Well, you're in luck. You'd be surprised that there have actually been requests for this page. We're finally going to have some info online about our friendly field and office personnel. Whether you love them, or you want a little more info on the guy you think cost you that playoff game (so you can buy him a beer, of course), we now have staff pics and bios up. Instead of saying, "Hey Bowling Beer Guy, I got two spares and a strike does that count?" or "Hey Blue, you're missing a great game..." You can use the person's real name... and know that he's been reffing flag football for 5 years and is right 99 time out of 100. You get the idea. On with the show:

USL Corporate Staff

Name: The Statdog Title: President and CEO Aka: “the Dog holding a beer can”

Background: The Statdog started off as a small pup, playing with tennis balls, and footballs, and softballs, and so on. But try as he might, he could simply never catch any of them with any consistency. While other dogs spent all day catching newspapers or Frisbees, the Statdog enjoyed chasing an occasional ball or two and then playing Coleco while drinking PBR from his dish. After moving out on his own, the real big break came when he was appointed CEO of Ugly-Mutt Dog Food Company in a publicity stunt where purchasers of the dog food could become CEO for a year. The corporate life was tough on the Statdog, and he became restless, wondering if there was more to life than selling real good dog food to really ugly dogs. Indeed there was. The Statdog found his calling when he realized that his employees were as bored and restless as he was. So he began an aggressive internal program of launching fun leagues that his employees could participate in after work. He organized co-ed sports leagues for his workers, with an emphasis on fun and entertainment. His leagues were so popular and the workers had so much fun that productivity and morale shot through the roof, at which point all of the employees realized they worked for a dog food company and immediately quit to pursue their life-long dreams.

This did not bode too well for the poor Statdog who was immediately fired by the board of directors in a biased 5-4 decision (5 of the 9 board directors were cats). Out of a job and cushy title, the Statdog followed one of his old inspired employees, Jeff Bezis or something like that, to the Emerald City and helped to found Underdog Sports Leagues, where everyday players could enjoy his unique version of sports leagues even if they were bad at sports, or had never even played before. No longer one for extravagant displays, the Statdog took to wandering the halls of corp HQ shirtless while holding a non-descript aluminum can. Red Bull perhaps? Perhaps not…

To E-mail the Statdog or ask him a question about his life, click here: statdog@underdogseattle.com

Name: Shawn D. Madden Title: Ambassador of Fun Aka: “the guy with the orange shades”

Name: John Panzar Title: VP of Leisure Fulfillment Aka: “tall john ” or "the volleyball guy"

Background: Having become ridiculously wealthy as the creator of such reality TV mega hits as American Idol, the Bachelor, the Bachlorette, Hey! This Donkey Smells Like Horse Shit, and The Apprentice – Panzar felt it was time to get away from the Hollywood grind. Too fragile to qualify for a pay spot in the Russian space program, he fell into the captivating void of the adult co rec sports business. Highlights of his career thus far: USL office ping-pong champion in perpetuity (when the t-shirt guy isn't around) and coining the phrase “Drinks on the Links” (Madden can say whatever he wants about coming up with the league, it was Panzar that first uttered those words). In his spare time, Panzar can be found at the Ballard library reading back issues of Maxim and chewing on cheap cigars.

Name: Katie Madsen Title: Queen of Customer Service Aka: “the gatekeeper "

Background: Coming Soon!

Name: Jason Pollentier Title: Shepherd of 1's and 0's Aka: “the IT guy” or "hey, code monkey"

Background: When Jason reached the guru on the mount in a misty and remote region of the Himalayas, the guru said, “There are a great many digits, bits and bytes if you will, who wander in search of meaning. Their destiny is to provide the logistical backbone for a new breed of adult recreation opportunities in Seattle, and your destiny is to help them.” Well, that guru accidentally took a tumble that day, but Jason could not avoid his destiny. He does, however, still grasp at the distant hope that he will someday be the subject of one of those stupid Brad Pitt movies that’s based on a true story.

Name: Lawrence Martin Title: The Kickball Guy Aka: “the kickball guy"

Background: Coming Soon!

Name: Susanne Mueller Title: Czar of "the PR' Aka: “Swiss Miss" or "Not Afraid to Slide!"

Background: When Switzerland decided to put part of its spare gold in the National Bank towards Social Security instead of investing it in the National Committee for Defending the Bank Secret from Mean European Unionists, she felt that her time as the “Oberkommunikationsdirektorin der Schweizer Nationalbank” was over. She took off for the Land of the free, where life was still a challenge and every individual still had the opportunity to slide into last base and complete a glorious kickball victory. She succeeded like no one before and was crowned “Czar of the PR” by the Nation of Fun, Underdog Sports Leagues.

Name: JR Roberts Title: League Supervisor - Head of Sports Leagues Division Aka: “the all-American guy"

Background: Coming Soon!

Name: Nick Ferate Title: Scheduler Plenipotentiary Aka: “iceman"

Background: Coming Soon!

Want to join the USL team? We're hiring. Visit our Employment page and submit your resume.